Manifesto of the Terminally Bemused

Quirkiness

Mon, 08 Oct 2007 11:22:35 GMT

This weekend started off in fine form, I got to work on Friday morning at about 10 past 9, and the shutters were down and lights all off. I had to walk round to the back entrance. I got there and everyone was gathered round chatting. No computers on, no lights. Everyone was in their casualwear cos it was Jeans for Genes day. It turned out, the power had gone off somehow and the backup generator had not kicked in. We had no network, no power to the building and no emergency lighting at all. So the boss decided to send some of us home, myself included. Result. I got home about 10.20am and decided to wash the car. Great!

Friday evening we went to the pub to celebrate Brian's getting into the army, and it was great fun, we had a laugh and went back to Troops after, although Brian was a little bit worse for wear.

Saturday, went out for Roj's conception for a few drinks, had a great laugh with Geoff, Dom, Eve, and Roj's two mates Ian and John.

Sunday went to see Halloween and it was a pretty good version, later had a chill round Angels and then off to Kelly's for a chinese and a game of Rochelle's Hats. I learned what "Merekating" was, thanks Kelly, and generally had a good time.

This weekend to come its KT's Birthday, so that should be fun.

Btw, I found my other copy of LA Confidential - at last, but now I have two. Lol. I'll keep one for spare I think hehe.

Feels Like Ages Since I Was Last Here

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 12:01:59 GMT

Well, I tend to post now only when I have something I'd like to note for future reference, but this time its just a post for the hell of it. What with a Myspace and a Facebook to maintain as well, I hardly get time for just an honest to goodness post.

I am seriously beginning to lose the plot at work. I've turned from being a second tier support and database analyst to a Project Manager in the space of months with no pay rise, extra responsibilities and loads more work it seems. The department is stretched tighter than a snare drum, with many people quitting after a stack of people being asked to leave because they didn't meet the necessary requirements to do their job. The management are holding tight onto their purse strings again, and have decided to not hold a corporate Christmas party because its "a multi-cultural organisation, and they do not wish to make non-Christian's uncomfortable," according to a forum rep. I say, fuck that! Its not about it being a Christian Festival, its about saying thank you to your employees for all their diligence and hard work for the year. I hope the money-grabbing bastards choke on their turkey, because you can bet your sweet ass the shareholders and executive board will be having a party of some kind. Wankers!!!

On a more pleasant note, I finished an article for the staff magazine last week and it was a movie review. So I've just been told that if I would like to, I can have a regular column in the magazine for movie reviews, which is sweet, and really what I love to do anyway. I won't be getting paid for it, but I can have the time to write an article at work, so it will be all good.

Tacheback is now over, and the moustache has now gone, but I might bring the beard back again as I quite liked it once I got past the itchyness. We had a fun night on Saturday, and went from the Gosta Green all the way up to the Flapper and then onto Flares despite being dressed like fools. A big thanks to all who supported us, and to those who took part. I'd like to say to those that dressed up you all looked really good.

In Wow, I levelled my Warrior to level 70 now and beginning the long process to upgrade his gear and earn the key to Kara. As he's a human, the rep grind will not be so bad I hope. Did my first Kara raid with my main last week, and actually did pretty well. Didn't get any epics for myself, but the bosses were fun, and the eerie distant church bell adds a lot of atmosphere to the place. My hunter friend Kal helped me organise traps and use my lesser used skills like stoneform to prevent Moroes Garotte.

Its fast approaching my 30th, and I need to sort out what to do, I had originally planned to do a beer bus, but as they hiked the price up an extra £2.50 per head, working out to be about £75 extra, I decided against it.

I was really enjoying the Golden Hour on Radio 1 in the mornings, when it returned for the run up to Radio 1's 40th Birthday, but alas its gone again. Damnit. I'm so sick of the same songs on the radio again, back to my trusty MP3 player methinks.

Quick joke to finish:

Q: "What smells of wee and goes in and out?"

A: "Your Gran doing the Hokey Cokey!"

Feel free to replace the word "Gran" with the name of someone you don't like very much, it works just as well.

Happy Belated Birthday urshulgi

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 09:43:24 GMT

Hope you had a good un mate! *balloons*

Recent Events

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 16:00:43 GMT

Haven't updated for a month now, so I'd better remedy that now.

Went to the glee club for Alex's Birthday on Friday and loved it. Richard Morton compered, and we had a rare treat in the form of Reverend Obadiah Steppenwolf III as the middle act. Very very funny. Al was impressed with his present which was a flying monkey that makes a noise in mid air. However the after the show disco was a bit lame really and ended after about half an hour. Boo hiss.

I've been growing my facial hair for the Tacheback Everyman Campaign in order to raise funds for Testicular Cancer research. I'll get a link up to the donation site when I find one that works. A group of us are doing this and we plan to go out on the town as 70's cops at the end of the growth period so that promises to be a lot of fun.

Went to Warwick Castle not so long ago and saw the jousting which was just excellent. All the riders were fairly young as well and they mastered jousting pretty well. We saw the birds of prey in the falconry show as well and I even got to test my bow arm doing a bit of archery.

This weekend promises to be great weatherwise so if people want to meet up that would be cool. We usually go to a pub on Sunday evening when there is a bank holiday cos there's no work in the morning.

And in wow news I've been levelling a warrior to level 60 which has been fun.

Right hometime now, seeya later.

Picked up from nap1st

Fri, 27 Jul 2007 01:32:48 GMT

List seven songs you are into right now, no matter what the genre, how much old they are, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now.
Post these instructions in your LiveJournal along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to:

1) Angry Mob - Kaiser Chiefs

The latest release from the leeds based fivesome is as catchy as ever. Currently bothering radio airplay, and just brings a smile to my face. Its got ups and downs and changes all over the place, but it has a haunting finish that repeats to fade. I briefly saw the video as well, and it looked like they had fun making it.

2) Do You Remember the First Time - Pulp

I'm not a big pulp fan, but this song is great for two reasons, a catchy riff in the chorus, and the fact that the verses build up from almost a whisper to a crescendo before the chorus. The lyrics are pretty funny too. I've not liked anything Pulp have done since as much as this. I heard this on Colin Murray's show not so long ago and its stuck in my head.

3) Heresy - Nine Inch Nails

You can actually stick this one next to Skunk Anansie's Selling Jesus for one of the most rocking anti religion songs ever. The thumping baseline and screaming keyboards and vocals on this one are class as well. This one had to grow on me, and I think thats why I now like it so much.

4) Colossal - Wolfmother

There had to be a Wolfmother track in this list as I listen to them all the time. I think I love this one the most for three reasons. The stomping guitar all the way to the breakdown at the end which becomes more like speed metal, the wonderfully kitsch lyrics: "If I had love left to give you, would you still throw it all away" and "she must be mother nature's child cos she's running to the call of the wild", and finally the cool that the track resonates from the beginning to the end.

5) Put Em High - Stonebridge featuring Therese

There are not many mainstream dance songs that capture any feeling for me, but for some reason this one does. Its one my possible ringtones on my phone and I have the single. Its a love song, with a funky beat like any other, but the vocalist sings beautifully even with that european twang she has. The video is cool, they live in flats in the same block, she's in the flat above, and he's going to play a gig, and she's getting ready to go out with her girlfriends. I don't know, I just like it, its a bit of a chill out track really, it relaxes me.

6) The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

Heard this in Manchester recently, and again its one I put on when I got back just to hear it again. Its a song simple in its message, sounding a little bit blues/country to begin with with an emphasised chorus. "If you don't love me now, you'll never love me again, I can still hear you saying, you will never break the chain." About the bitterness that follows when love breaks down. That aside, it really begins to rock at the end and this builds up to what you might remember as the Formula One theme tune. Dum du-dur derr du-dur dur du-dur dum. The bass starts, and then the guitar kicks in squealing in a high pitch.

7) Bad Medicine - Bon Jovi

I really struggled with the last one, not cos I didn't have one to put, but more like I had so many more to add. This is my guilty pleasure track. Its clever lyrics and overt cheesiness is sometimes just what the doctor ordered - see what I did there. Its overstated as all Bon Jovi classics are - music for strippers basically. The end is elongated further by Jon's desire to carry on 'once more with feeling', and due to Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, it conjures up an image of Shannon Elizabeth walking into a Mooby's restaurant with the cliche wind machine effect and slow motion as Jay's imagination goes into overdrive.

Okay I want to tag: scarlets_walk_x, kellyxkelly, philoko, tamitam, mund, boo11 and missymodee

Well thats a relief

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 17:23:30 GMT

Your Score: Human

You scored 61 intellectual, 82 urbanization, and 58 physical!

You are a human (no, really you are) Ah yes the human, you may not be as brainy as some of the other races but you can hold your own in a fight. You feel most at home in large cities Disappointed? Well you shouldn't be, with a free feat at first level and an extra skill point every level, humans are one of the most popular races to be. Also don't forget to check out my other test The Uber Munchkin Powergamer Test

Link: The What D&D race are you? Test written by LordKailas on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Bark at the Moon

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 11:10:32 GMT

What a great gig on Friday! Ozzy was the perfect showman, from Bark at the Moon at the beginning to Crazy Train at the end it was a great gig, and he never seemed to tire during his performance, often jumping up and down and throwing buckets of water on the crowd at the front. Nice to see Mike Boradin behind the drum kit, the ex-Faith No More drummer.

Everyone did go crazy right at the end as Ozzy kept churning the hits out, and it was nice to hear War Pigs and Paranoid as well.

I got up early and Shaun and I headed into town to pick up Steve and then we stopped off at a cafe for breakfast before heading to Dom's for RP. It was a highly entertaining yarn of corruption within the city of Galadawn, which culminated in seiging a veritable fortress underneath a pub, but we made it through in the end. Beers all round. Can't wait for the next one.

On the evening, went out to Scruffies, and then to the Newt which was a good night overall. Despite a lack of communication to begin with.

Sunday was nice and relaxed, went to O'Neil's for a bit of pub grub and then on to the Cinema to see Die Hard 4.0 - a very good film with lots of action in it, some nice baddies too and a credible story.

The evening was just relaxing, played a bit of
WoW watched an episode of Life on Mars and Peep Show, and managed to get revered with Honor Hold and the Greaves of Desolation for my Hunter - yay!

Winning the Quiz and Ozzy!!

Fri, 06 Jul 2007 09:15:11 GMT

Last night we won the quiz at the Flapper, though it was a little bit closer than the last time, as "Team Sperm Whale" had close competition from "The Firkin A Team". Who'da thought there were two Harrison Ford films beginning with RH.

But first prize was a choice between two tickets to see Ozzy at the NIA tonight or a gallon of beer. Bearing in mind you have a week to claim the pints and it was the end of the night, Napoleon is on the wagon for a month, Shaun doesn't drink and Kelly is pregnant, we opted for the tickets.

Thanks to everyone for letting Angel and I have the tickets, I really appreciate it, and its just what Angel needs, and the perfect compliment to a great week I've had. Drinks on me for next time!

I'll let you know how we got on next week.

5 Lyrics

Thu, 05 Jul 2007 15:58:38 GMT

This used to a be a regular thing, where don_cione would post his top 5 of the week or whatever, or songs that meant something to him. Well I feel inspired this week to post 5 of my own.

"I hope them cigarettes are gonna make you cough
Hope you hear this song and it pissed you off
I take that back I hope you're doing fine
And if I had a dollar I might give you ninety-nine"

Little Miss Can't Be Wrong - Spin Doctors

"At school he used to dream about
Being Bruce Lee
But the need for chops in the Manor top
Aint all that great you see
And so he gave up
On his black belt and first Dan
As near as he got to China
Was a week in Camber sands"

Heavyweight Champion of the Word - Reverend and the Makers

"So here it comes the sound of drums,
Here come the drums
Here come the drums...."

Voodoo Child - Rogue Traders

"My mama told me there'd be days like this
And man she wasn't foolin’
Cause I just can't believe the way you kiss
You opened up your mouth with bated breath
You said you'd never leave me
You love me, you hate me
I tried to take the loss
You're cryin’ me a river but I got to get across"

Aerosmith - The Other Side

"When you were a child you were a treated kind
But you were never brought up right
You were always spoiled with a thousand toys but still you cried all night
Your mother who neglected you owes a million dollars tax
And your father's still perfecting ways of making ceiling wax

You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes your nineteenth nervous breakdown"

19th Nervous Breakdown - The Rolling Stones

Seeya later for the Quiz @ The Flapper if you can brave the weather.

More Good News

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 13:33:21 GMT

I got the Job!!

Yay!!!

Weekend=Celebration

Manchester Tour 2007

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 14:41:48 GMT

After a couple of weeks of stress it was good to go away with my mates for a weekend of fun, and as expensive as it was I think we all enjoyed ourselves. Its nice on occaision to just get on the same page, group together and have a laugh.

I met Dom and Napoloen at Baguette Du Monde in Paradise Forum and we had a quick breakfast and off we went on the journey. Simon had to meet us later due to work commitments, but we got there really quickly, about 2 hours. We met up with Steve and had some lunch in the Piccadilly. A bit of shopping and then we picked up Simon from the Coach Station, who was late cos the coach took an unexpected detour and there were problems with Traffic.

We got back to the Hotel and checked in and got ready to go out. Had more pub food at the local Wetherspoons before going to the Thirsty Scholar for some beer and word games. The music was less rock and more motown this time, but it was still a good atmosphere. We got free bottles of Foster's Twist which was foul, then we went to the Fab Cafe. The Fab Cafe, though packed lacked an atmosphere and as there was nowhere to sit, we decided to go on to somewhere else.

I'd read about a place called Satan's Hollow and Simon had been there about 5 years ago, so we went to find that. We eventually found it, paid to get in and were in awe to begin with - such a cool place for a club. There was a massive Satan behind the DJ booth and they were playing Phil Collins, and then Prince. Cheese is good, but then it went horribly Emo, and we didn't recognise a single song. We cut our losses and went home early via the kebab shop and went to Simon's room for some Top Trumps: Sharks before bed. Rock n' Roll.

Saturday, went for a cafe breakfast, but as we all got up at different times, Simon and Steve ended up missing out, as we went on a wild goose chase trying to find the Imperial War Museum of the North.

We eventually made it, turns out it was around corner from Old Trafford all the time lol. We had a look around and that took up most of the afternoon, at which point we decided to go and get some lunch/dinner as Steve kept pointing out how hungry he was at regular intervals lol.

We just had more pub food at Edwards, and then Dom wanted to do a bit of shopping while the rest of us wanted a quick powernap before a heavy night out, which is what we did. We headed back into town after a nap and a shower, and a fight, that Dom and Napoloen had in Simon's room. We went to the Thirsty Scholar again and enjoyed more free beer, and played more games, and the DJ played a song I wanted, so it was great. Then Steve got talking to a group of people next to us and we had a bit of a laugh.

They were going to another club around the corner, but we were headed for Jilly's Rock World. The queue was much shorter, and we got in, got beers and hit the rooms. Tried the punk room which was a bit emo, then went to the goth room which was cheesy. Napoleon and I met some people there dancing to The Smiths, and we then went into the Cock rock room for some old school. It was great to hear the likes of The Chain - Fleetwood Mac and many others. We'd got a pack of cigars as well, though they were horrible. I was a bit drunk by then. We left quite late, but went for a kebab in the pouring rain. Had a bit of hard time getting a taxi back to the hotel as many tried to rip us off, but we got one in the end.

Woke up at the designated time to go and get breakfast, but we were waiting for Napoleon who we later found out had already had his and checked out. So we did the same.

Dropped Steve off at the Station and ran into heavy weather on the way back, causing me to lose control of the car at one point. Of course the oil slick on the road didn't help either, but it was okay in the end, I had plenty of time to brake, as I don't like to right behind the car in front, and it paid off. Had to stop for coffee and food for the brain before getting back on the motorway and made good time getting back for the sun to come out. I dropped everyone off opposite Argos and went home.

Anyway here are some pics.

Bigger versions are available on my myspace page

The Pirate Ninja Debate Continues...

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 15:39:35 GMT

He's what uncyclopedia have to say on the matter.

Types of Ninjas

WARNING: This may cause you to laugh out loud - not work safe if your place of work doesn't allow random giggles.

Pub Quiz - This Thursday

Mon, 25 Jun 2007 10:46:00 GMT

This Thursday come to the Flapper for Scotty's Pub Quiz.

A few of us went a couple of Thursdays ago and it was brilliant.

This is the start of a lads weekend away to Manchester for some of us as well, so come on down and help us start it in style. Would be great to see you.

Caught the coverage of the Who at Glasto last night too, and it was great. They haven't lost any of their magic.

Pub at the Weekend - Despite the Weather

Fri, 22 Jun 2007 09:16:45 GMT

I feel the need to celebrate being paid this month cos I think I've really earned it lol.

So anyone out on Saturday Night for beer and a knees up?

Also getting people together for Sunday Afternoon/Evening at the Flapper, so come along and we'll have a good time like we always do. ;o)

Spread the love.

Steve

Return of the Music Link Quiz

Tue, 19 Jun 2007 08:41:58 GMT

Inspired a bit by Colin Murray's 11pm feature on his radio show.

Rules are simple, name 15 songs and artists that follow a certain theme and explain the reasoning in some cases.

The theme for this week is: "Songs with Question Marks in the Title"

All answers are screened and then revealed in a few days time.

High Spirits

Wed, 13 Jun 2007 09:03:18 GMT

Well I'm in a silly mood this morning and I haven't even had a drink, I think it might be delerium but I think the jury is still out on that one.

frodo_baker is back tomorrow evening for one night only and out for drinks if the general ensemble can get motivated. If the weather holds would be a perfect pre-weekend pick me up I think.

I have to laugh at my job situation as another 5 people I work with are in the same position. In fact Paul made me laugh when I checked his outlook calendar. Next Tuesday 19th: Interview for Job I Already Do. Far funnier however was his entry for the aptitude tests on Thursday 14th: Balance Balls on Nose etc. Hehe gallows humour for the 21st Century, gotta love it. The fact that the Apprentice final is on tonight just makes me laugh thinking its gonna be like that at the interview.

Got a shedload of films off Play.com as they are £5 each, including Inside Man, which is a great take on the heist movie, Shrek 1 and 2, which reminds me of you ellwaffles and richardgreen when we watched them at yours on the massive screen. Thanks Ellie for reminding me of that joke about the deaf people in the pub. Highly offensive but highly amusing.

Watched the last episode of Lost last night, no spoilers but why didn't Charlie shut the door the other side?

Had a session of WoW last night where I remained in character of a derranged warrior who talked to, and on behalf of his pet. "Speedy says there is an 80.7% chance that you'll sh*t yourself when you die" - my particular favourite. hehe.

A bit like that Barbarian Ranger from the Baldur's Gate series, Minsc. Here is a picture of Minsc 'worshiping' his companion 'Boo', the minature giant space hamster, from whom he recieves orders.

Right I've taken up far too much of your time, now shoo, begone.

Nice Weekend

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 10:01:03 GMT

Had a lovely weekend. A quiet night in on Friday. A bit of Wow and then watched BB, Ugly Betty finale (my concession to see what Angel wants to see - but actually I quite enjoy it too), and then the Friday Night project with Chris Moyles, where he actually came over not too badly.

Saturday, went shopping with Angel early so we could avoid the Saturday City Centre madness. This was low stress high spend, but got a cool 70s shirt (we need a 70s Life on Mars night out, we'll have to organise it.) Went out on Saturday night to the flapper and had a good time there, discussing Manchester, Star Wars Night and many other topics. There were not many out but we tried one of Cian's burgers and didn't succumb to food poisoning - so nice one dude. Ended up in the Newt via Malediction which was a bit too EBM again. The Newt was again brilliant. I didn't drink very much and danced like a mad fool. Kudos to Jon for dropping Pendulum - Slam in his set, and brave but well received choice. Before we knew it, it was time to go home. It was nice to see you all.

Sunday was especially quiet, a lazy day by all accounts. Watched Two for the Money which was entertaining but nothing great. Then I customised one of Angel's T shirts for her and we watched old eps of Never Mind the Buzzcocks on Youtube, including the one with Donny Tourette and the one where Preston walks out.

Back to work now, I have an exam for my job this Thursday and my Job Interview is next Wednesday. I need to revise hehe.

Long Hot Summer

Thu, 07 Jun 2007 09:42:02 GMT

Apparently this weekend is going to be beautiful. Who's up for a late afternoon/evening at the Flapper on Saturday Night? I'm thinking 6 til late.

Let me know if you're interested and I'll formulate a plan. ;o)

nap1st is drumming up support for a Star Wars night, and depending on the success of the night, more nights will follow with different themes. The emphasis is on dressing up and nostalgia with music from the period. Also if you can help out by spreading the word please do.

Manchester is set to go now, three weeks tomorrow, just need to give my car a clean as its rather dusty inside due to recent work being done on it.

I have to prepare for an interview for my job again despite pleading the case that I shouldn't have to apply for a job I'm already doing, I was told that the emphasis has shifted in some areas. Whatever...

So yeah, if you wanna go out Saturday drop me a comment or a text.

Hope you're all doing well.

Creative Writing - Wow Fiction

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 10:52:35 GMT

This is a little project I've been working on within my guild in WoW (The Asylum). Its just a bit of creative writing. They are meant to be bite-sized serial chunks for guild members to enjoy when they visit the site, but I'm quite proud of it as well. While I don't expect non-wow players to 'get it' I hope you'll enjoy it anyway for the thrills, spills and funny stuff.

He is the first five 'chapters' of the first story "At a Dead End". I think another one of the guild members is working on drawing it up as a cartoon strip, so I'm looking forward to that. Anyway enjoy:

Tales from the Asylum: At a Dead End pt 1

It was spring in the Lions Pride Inn, and Thraxus Stoutmantle was enjoying a nice Stomley’s Ale by the ashen hearth with some of his friends and companions. “Its your round, ‘Shorty’,” Shadow jested poking him in the ribs. Thrax spat ale everywhere in reflex. Eva instinctively raised her shield protecting her and Bumbloo from a frothy soaking.

“Don’t do that while I’m drinking!” Thrax snorted, as the Night Elf nonchalantly flipped his daggers in the air and caught them again. “Now you can get the drinks in since you made me lose most of mine.” The Dwarf cursed, wiping foamy mead from his beard. Shadow just shrugged.

“Lets do something!” Bumble squeaked enthusiastically. “Like what?” Shadow looked over with a deadpan expression, “There is only so many times we can take the new recruits through the Deadmines before I start to lose cognitive thought.”

“I have an idea,” Eva said, “we could hold a talent show!” “Oh that’s a great idea, Eva,” said Bumble even more enthusiastically clapping her little gnomish hands together, “I could do some magic tricks!” “That’s a good idea,” said Shadow with a cruel glance at Eddie, “I could try knife throwing… blindfolded!” Eddie skittered off outside with a squeal and slid in the mud.

Just then there was a heavy galloping of hooves coming to a stop outside the Inn, and Eddie came skittering back in through the door. The shouts from outside spread panic amongst the townsfolk, some of whom ran inside the Inn for shelter. “Horde!”

Shadow, crept stealthily out of the open window for a better look, while the rest of the companions got ready for a fight. Outside were a small force of Orcs and Undead killing the townsfolk and the younger citizens. Catching one alone next to the stables, Shadow quickly stunned and subdued one of the Orcs looking to steal the horses, and dropped back into the shadows of the overhang.

As two Orcs burst into the Inn, Thrax and Bumble unleashed a flurry of gunfire and spellfire from behind one of the tables, while Eva charged in with Blazeguard to finish the job.

The remaining Undead counter-attacked while their Leader, a necromancer Lich watched from afar. With a flurry of blades, Shadow reduced one of the Forsaken Rogues to bones and rags, while Eva bore the brunt of the Warriors assault on the Inn. Thrax levelled his Consortium Blaster at the Necromancer and though his shot was true, the shot bounced off his invisible shield, and he made good his escape with a raised fist.

After it was all over Eva asked “What was all that about? Why risk an attack this close to Stormwind?” "They could not have been stealing horses? Maybe they were trying to prevent our escape?" Thraxus speculated.

“I think it might have had something to do with this.” Bumble said holding out a small container. “Whats that?” Eva asked inquisitively. “Yes what is it Shadow?” Bumble looked over to the rogue, who had remained quiet since the battle, “You gave this to me last week, remember?” “Ah yes,” he sighed, “I was kinda hoping, that this problem would just go away.”

“What problem?” Eva asked, sternly. “Well…” said Shadow, gravely, “that flask might be one of Kel’Thuzad’s canopic jars”.

To be continued….

Tales from the Asylum: At a Dead End pt 2

So the four heroes set off to find out more about the Legend of Kel’Thuzad rumoured to be resting in Northern Lorderon in the region now known as the Eastern Plaguelands, and the met up with Evulona, the Shadow Priestess at the Library of Stormwind in the early evening.

“I’ve been doing some research,” Evu said bluntly, “and I’m afraid I don’t think we’re gonna find much about it here. Its like someone has been trying to cover their tracks.” “What do you mean?” Bumble enquired. “Well, the keeper of the library has gone missing, no one has seen him for days, and an entire collection of books seems to have disappeared,” Evu continued, “Furthermore, Clerk Donyal informs me, that certain books were taken to Ravenholdt Manor for safekeeping, which seems highly suspicious. Father Fadhlow of the Stormwind Council authorised it. Also its worth noting that the authorisation came before Library Keeper Gilroy was reported missing.”

Thraxus and Shadow stood against the wall in earshot of all of this. Thraxus looked over to his roguish friend. “What are you thinking?” “This seems highly suspicious,” He mused, “but if anyone knows about this, Mathias Shaw will know.” “Then lets pay him a visit” said Thraxus, grasping his rifle. “No!” Warned Shadow, “This is something I must do alone.”

In SI:7, Master Mathias Shaw was sitting at his desk examining charts, the candle on his desk flickered, and he instinctively drew two perfectly balanced daggers and turned to face Shadow, creeping in through the open window. “Ah, its you. Did you come to bring me what I asked you for last week?” Shaw relaxed his stance. “Relax Matty,” Shadow said provokingly, “Just wanted to know if you knew anything with regards to certain books being moved to Ravenholdt?” “That’s none of your concern, I asked you to do a job, now where is the container?” “Well, I think it would be in your best interests to tell me, these books have sparked particular interest with some of our enemies. Maybe you’ve been behind your desk too long to notice.” “I assume you’re talking about the Horde?” Mathias said with mocking laugh. “Yes, why are you laughing?” Shadow asked puzzled. “Sit down and I’ll tell you.”

Shaw began his story. “There is a group of Horde Brigands and Thieves that have formed a cult of sorts. They believe that they can consume some of Kel’Thuzad’s power by stealing artefacts and personal items belonging to the Lich King. So fanatical is the cult’s leader that he will risk anything to obtain these artefacts. As you can guess this is very bad for the alliance. I know that you’re reckless Shadow, but you must understand, trust is a commodity in very short supply these days. I trusted you to steal something for me last week, now for the final time, where is it!?” Shaw was beginning to lose patience. “Don’t worry its in a safe place.” Said Shadow, and with that leaped out the window into the night.

Eva and Bumble went to the Stormwind Council chambers to ask if they could speak to Father Fadhlow, but the clerk of the chambers said he had not heard of him. “Now that’s very suspicious,” said Bumble with a sigh. “Don’t worry Bumble he’s a priest,” said Eva reassuringly, “someone from Stormwind Cathederal must have heard of him.” They then went to the Cathederal District to ask if anyone there had heard of this priest, but again, their search was fruitless. Brother Kristoff suggested they ask in Northshire Abbey.

After two hours of searching, everyone met back up at the Lion’s Pride Inn in Elwyn Forest. “What are you doing Bumble?” Thrax asked while quaffing some Stomleys Ale. “I’m making a sign to put up outside the Inn to ask anyone who’s seen Father Fadhlow to leave a message with the barkeep for us.” She chirped. Eva was polishing her shield by the fireside making sure it was nice and clean. A ritual she often did in the evenings to ensure it was clean and bright. Her mind was on other things, but she continued to polish away. Shadow was busy brewing some poisons and potions and Thrax was busy drinking. He’d fed and watered Eddie, and put him to bed, and was now enjoying his ale. Looking at Bumble’s poster, his mind seemed to break down the words and letters like an engineer takes apart a machine in his mind. Eva came over to inspect the sign Bumble was doing and at that point Thraxus spat Ale everywhere again. Her reflexes still sharp, Eva managed to block the spray of draught mead from hitting her, the sign or Bumble. “Thraxus!” She shouted, “I just polished this shield!” “Whats the matter?” the little gnome inquired. Thraxus grabbed Eva’s polishing cloth and rubbed out the ink on Bumble’s sign. “Explain yourself Stoutmantle!” Eva grabbed the Dwarf’s arm. “Wait, let me explain,” he said excitedly.

He began counting in his head and writing down letters, marking out the name Father Fadhlow. Then taking each letter, and rearranging them.

“He’s gone mad,” said Shadow nonchalantly, “I knew it would happen one day.” Thrax continued marking letters. “Finished!” He said.

Everyone looked down at the roll of parchment and Shadow gasped. “What is it?” enquired Eva. “I know that name.” Shadow looked wide-eyed. “Fahrad the Wolf?” said Bumble perplexed. “Aye, Fahrad,” said Shadow, “he’s otherwise known as… Fahrad Ravenholdt, Master Assassin and the lord of Ravenholdt Manor!”

To be continued…

Tales from the Asylum: At a Dead End Pt 3

The next day they set off at a fast pace to Ravenholdt Manor. Through the mountains of Dun Morogh, by Tram, and a long march through the Wetlands the heroes rode along the Arathi path towards Tarren Mill. Shadow had gone on ahead, and Bumble had called for assistance from other members of the guild to meet them in Southshore.

“We’re heading right into a trap.” Eva shouted over the thunderous noise of the galloping hooves. “From what I hear, Ravenholdt Manor is quite a defensible outpost,” mused Thraxus, “and it needs to be, being that close to Tarren Mill.”

* * * *

Meanwhile, on a boat in Baradin Bay. “So you can get this thing to work can't you Kal?” Said Leske, pacing up and down the pier. “Aye, just gimme a second, will ya?” said the gruff Dwarf wiping his brow and grabbing a gnomish hydrospanner from the toolbox. “Are you gonna help me Pup? Or are you just gonna lie there sunbathing?” He spat a mouthful of oil at the semi-naked Gnome lying on his back wearing a pair of odd spectacles, which narrowly missed him. “You’re doing fine, Kal,” he shrugged staring at the sky, “by the way are these goggles supposed to help you block out the sun or what?” “Gimme them here, I need them,” Kal grumbled as he picked up his welding torch.

A couple of minutes of bangs and thuds and the steam-powered craft was ready to start. Pupux, climbed onto the boat and using somatic gestures and a few draconic words, lit the coalfire with a bright orange flame. “Right put your clothes on Pup and lets get Ehran back on the boat and we can finally sail to Southshore” said Leske with a wicked grin. “Woof woof” said a friendly wolf, as Ehran sprinted for the boat over the raised bank. “Ah he’s here,” Leske said, “sweeping her hair back.”

Just then they heard a “gooblelobleobleloble” as several carnivorous Murlocs came running along behind Ehran. Kal fired up the pistons and the engine sprang into life. Pup had finished getting his clothes on and Leske got ready to raise his shield in case the Murlocs decided to throw javelins. Just then Pup cast a bolt of blue light towards the Murlocs and they froze to the spot just as one was about to grab Ehran’s tail. Ehran splashed into the water and paddled towards Kal’s Steamship.

A hail of fireballs rained down on the band of Murlocs who howled in fury, as Les took the controls of the boat and Kal fished Ehran out of the water. “Whats that you’ve got there, boy?” Kal whispered enthusiastically, removing a piece of scaly bone out of the wolf’s mouth. “Hehe, it looks like a Murloc’s leg.” Laughed Pup with maniacal glee. “No wonder they looked angry,” laughed Leske, “it looks like the Chieftain’s leg.”

* * * *

“Horde patrol up ahead,” Thraxus whispered, “looks like they’re headed to the deathguard garrison.” “Best to keep off the road here, we don’t want to attract too much attention to ourselves,” Eva suggested calmly, “surprise will be pivotal to our success here.” “Oki,” chirped Bumble, “Lets lead the horses downstream,” pointing at the river up ahead.

Climbing down to the riverbank, all was still, Thraxus and Eddie headed off ahead to scout the route, while Eva and Bumble took the horses down for a drink. It was at that moment that Bumble noticed a glint in the water and went down for a closer look. She pulled out a shiny bauble on a chain. “Ooh, whats this?” She squealed excitedly. Eva looked over. “I recognise that insignia.” She said, noticing that the bauble had a chrome badge of a sunrise over a sword. “That’s the insignia of the Argent Dawn!” At that moment, Thraxus ran out of the woods ahead and said, “I think you’d better come and see this.” Bumble and Eva crossed the stream and followed the Hunter into the woods. Breaking through into a clearing, the pungent smell of decay was overwhelming. The fetid corpses of over forty Argent Dawn warriors and priests lay dead in the on the farm where the crops were withering and dying.

“A battle was fought here not so long ago, it seems the scourge have been pushing the line back through Alterac.” Thraxus suggested. “No Horde banners on display, but these are definitely zombie tracks,” Eva pointed out. “How horrible,” sighed Bumble, “lets hurry to Southshore in case they need our help!”

* * * *

Shadow wiped his blade of the green blood that oozed out of the last Undead Scout he killed. Resting his foot on the arm of the Deathguard Courier and snapping the bone upwards, the fingerbones crumbled into dust and Shadow quickly opened the pouch he was carrying. There was a letter inside bearing Ravenholdt’s seal, although the seal had already been broken.

The letter began, “Master, I have done what you have asked, the ‘container’ should shortly be arriving in Southshore. All your preparations are in place, and the tomes are safely hidden in my residence. Now if we could discuss my payment, and the removal of the curse? Your servant, Fahrad Ravenholdt.”

To Be Continued…

Tales from the Asylum: At a Dead End pt 4

“Its on fire!” Shouted Bumble, as her, Eva and Thraxus galloped on horseback as fast as they could towards the blazing streets of Southshore. Men and women, some in armour and some not were busy trying to put the fires out as the three of them rode into the village. Luckily the blazes seemed more or less controlled by the time they got there. “Are you here to help?” asked a young man in red leather armour. “If so report to Commander Helleran at the Inn, its been converted into a temporary command post for the Argent Dawn”.

Eva, Bumble and Thrax walked into the Inn and it had been completely rearranged. The windows were barricaded up and the tables and chairs were mostly stacked up against the wall, except for a large table where there stood a grey haired man in a full suit of plate armour looking over maps and orders. “Are you here to help defend Southshore?” He said without looking up. His voice was gruff and deep. “Er… well actually…” Thraxus began. “We’d love to!” shouted Bumble excitedly, interrupting him. “How can we help?” Eva said, before Thrax could protest.

A guard ran into the room, and with a breathless voice shouted; “Sir, a contingent of scourge are headed this way for another assault, this time by boat!” Commander Helleran looked up from his table, at the out of breath guard before him. He turned to Eva, Bumble and Thraxus. “Right,” he said, “I’m giving you all field commissions - we need all the help we can get. Sergeant Malloroy here will take you to Lieutenant Shelby in charge of the Harbour watchpost. Welcome to the Argent Dawn - dismissed!”

* * * *

Kal’s Steamboat chugged round the western coast of the wetlands and as they got closer to Southshore, clouds of thick black smoke could be seen on the horizon. Kal knocked the boat’s engine up a notch and the pitch of the whirring got higher and load as the Steamboat sped faster through the water. “Looks like we’re headed into trouble,” Kal warned, peering out of the rose-tinted glass screen, “you’d better get ready.” Leske’s look of determination showed that she was always ready. Her fingers resting on the hilt of her sword, poised for battle.

* * * *

The three new draftees of the Argent Dawn reported to the Harbour watchpost where they were greeted by Lieutenant Shelby, a Dwarven Priestess who was relieved to see them wearing the Argent Dawn pendants that Sergeant Malloroy had provided them with. She began quickly explaining where the scourge were most likely to attack, when a scout appeared and said. “Lieutenant, they are coming, one force through the trees and another by sea.” “Report to the Commander and ask him for a reinforced line to the Northwest!” She commanded, “Right time to earn your pay, we need you to delay the advance of the ground assault. To do this, pick off their scouts, and hinder their advancement. Any questions?” Thrax was about to speak but remained silent, looking at Bumble and Eva. “Good, move out.”

* * * *

“What do you mean, you can’t stop it!?” Pupux exclaimed, his gnomish face glowing with fear and excitement. The Steamship zoomed towards Southshore, with various cranks and whizzes. “I can’t slow it down or change course and I think the hull is about to buckle under the pressure!” Shouted Kal from under the controls. “I can try and freeze it,” said Pup, getting ready to cast a spell. “No!” Shouted Kal again, “you’ll cause a stress fracture!” “Its either that or we’re going to hit something eventually, extremely hard!” Shouted Leske from the back. “I might be able to make minor adjustments to change course, but we need to cool the engine down slowly.” Said Kal hopefully. “Erm… Kal, what do you use as fuel for this again?” Enquired Pup. “Uhm…Goblin rocket fuel.” Kal mumbled as he got deeper into the hull. Ehran wimpered. “Great, so let me get this right in my head,” said Leske sarcastically, “we can’t slow down, we can’t stop the ship or tamper with the combustion of the vessel cos goblin rocket fuel is highly unstable and we can’t turn except for minor turns, is that right?” Ehran wimpered again. “Yes, that would be about the size and shape of it Les,” Said the dwarf, ignoring the sarcasm. “Anyone for a nice cup of Goldthorn tea?” Said Pup, setting up a kettle over the overheating engine.

* * * *

The undead shuffled towards southshore, weeping from rotting wounds and creaking in their piecemeal chain tunics. They saw the smoke up ahead and cackled. “First wave, advance!” shouted the Captain with a croaky slur, and half, roughly thirty of the undead soldiers moved foward, and marched further towards the village.

The cover of the smoke worked in Eva’s favour as she stalked in the darkness towards the advancing line of Undead. They were pretty widespread, and with a swift flurry of her blade, a lick of flame red, would cleave steel and bone, and render each of the warriors incapacitated. Bumble unleashed a flash of flame at two warriors approaching, and sent them into a panic. The ensuing chaos of two scourge warriors running in all directions, caused the rest of warriors to group up. Thraxus set a flare up into the middle of the group, lighting them up in the smoke, and sent a volley of gunfire at the largest group of them, blowing them to bits. When a few of them had got organised, it was too late. With a few more dead, the remaining handful fled back towards the Captain.

Angry at his troops flight, the Captain slashed his mighty sword at one of his fleeing troops, and took his head clean off. “The Master will have all our heads for this.”

“Well that will certainly give them food for thought,” laughed Thraxus, “shall we pursue?” “We need to go back to the watchpost, and defend the harbour against the seaborne assault.” Said Eva. “Look!” Said Bumble, pointing out to the coast.

Just out of the shallows of the shoreline, a large lumbering vessel was following the coast. Its hull was a ghostly white, made almost completely out of bone with large protruding spikes, and its sails were ragged and black. “This is not good,” sighed Eva. Eddie squealed. “There could be an entire army in there!”

To be continued…

Tales from the Asylum: At a Dead End pt 5

The Argent Dawn and the people of Southshore had put the fires out finally, and were continuing to fortify the small fishing village. The lookout at the watchpost saw what was approaching and quickly sounded the alarm. A rattle of steel on steel was heard as the Argent Dawn’s brave men and women lined up in a state of readiness for what was to come. Lieutenant Shelby and Sergeant Malloroy gave each other a respectful nod and watched the harbour intently.

Just then Eva, Thrax and Bumble made it back to the watchpost. “We routed their advance through the tree line, and Thrax has set up a couple of nasty traps should they attempt it again.” Said Eva bodly, but breathlessly. “Incoming!” Shouted the lookout. As a large bone bolt sailed over their heads and imbedded itself into the ground of the horse paddock. “Ballistae!” Shouted Bumbloo with fear and excitement. “We must stop that thing,” cried Shelby, “That’s a scourge warbarge, we should expect abominations, crypt fiends and all manner of undead. We’ll be overrun!”

* * * *

After several minutes banging and tweaking Kal got up from under the control panel and wiped his brow. “Whats the news, Kal,” asked Leske impatiently. “Well,” he sighed, “We can now steer a bit more, and we can now go faster.” “We don’t want to go faster Kal, we just want to slow the ship down before we reach our destination?” Said Les angrily. Pupux put his cup of Goldthorn Tea down. “Whats that?” He pointed ahead.

The they all turned to look at the large white ship on the horizon near destination, getting closer to it, they noticed the black sails and the spikes in the hull. “That does not look good!” Said Leske, breaking the stunned silence. “What do we do?” Said Pup. “Only one thing we can do,” said Kal, “more Rocket Fuel!”

* * * *

Shadow infiltrated Ravenholdt Manor. It was easy for him. He’d been there years ago, and knew some of the tricks employed by Fahrad and his followers to keep unwanted eyes and ears away from his property. What was unusual was the large number of wolves roaming the grounds, and the lack of guards. Something was definitely up. Rubbing some fadeleaf on himself, disguised his scent to the wolves, and he was able to move unhindered into the complex. The ‘Curse’ worried him. What was this curse? Is it contagious? Was there an antidote?

He continued into the Manor through an open door where the servant’s entrance was, and walked into the kitchen. There was a foul smell inside, like something rotting. Ensuring that he stayed in the shadows he moved silently through the manor, and he saw mess everywhere, and raw and rotting meat and blood on the walls. Whatever had happened here, it had happened violently.

* * * *

The whizzing and clunking got louder as Pup, Kal and Les poured more Goblin Rocket Fuel into the engine. “Is this gonna work?” asked Pup with a look of doubt. “Only one way to find out!” smiled Les. The steamship thundered over the waves towards Southshore just as the Scourge vessel entered the harbour. Ehran wimpered and jumped overboard. “Abandon ship!” shouted Kal as he grabbed his rifle and his toolbox. Pup had folded his mage’s robes into a neat little parcel and stepped up to jump, but as he did, the wind caught up and sent him crashing into the water in a most undignified manner. “Wheee!” he cried as his staff, pack and clothes went in different directions. Les was last to leave and lit a flash of fire oil, leaving it to burn next to the engine. “Swallow this!” she said as she dived into the water.

The barge was about to lower its front ramp, ready to assault the village. The Argent Dawn, and Eva, Bumble and Thraxus were ready to defend the last strategic hamlet in the Hillsbrad Foothills. The barge Captain, caught out of the corner of his eye, the whirring and fizzing steel mass heading towards his boat from behind.

The fuse on the oil continued to burn.

The barge was twenty feet from the dock.

The Argent Dawn took positions ready to defend.

Les, Kal and Pup ducked down in the water.

The Steamboat crunched directly into the side of the barge, rocking it violently, nearly cutting it in half, just as the fire oil ignited, which it turn ignited the Goblin Rocket fuel in the engine. KABOOM!!

The barge splintered and shattered sending pieces of bone everywhere, causing the ship to fold in on itself and sink to the harbour bed. Only a handful of the survivors of the barge made it to the shore, and those that did were easily dispatched by the warriors and priests of the Argent Dawn given their improved morale. A massive cheer was given to Kal, Pup and Leske as they swam to the shore. “You certainly know how to make an entrance,” giggled Bumble, she looked at Pup who was just in his shorts, “Did you forget to get dressed again?” Sergeant Malloroy came running up to Bumble, “Excuse me, miss, this just came for you,” and he handed her a parcel.

* * * *

Shadow made his way towards Fahrad’s chambers, but he tried to avoid some of the patrols. It seemed there were still followers of Fahrad Ravenholdt’s still at the manor. He followed a couple of the guards into the kitchen where they took a body out of the storeroom and carried him into the great hall. And there he was. Fahrad Ravenholdt. He was sitting at the head of the table where some more of his followers were sat. He sniffed the air. “Do you smell that gentlemen?” he sneered, “Fresh meat.” ‘Eh?’ Shadow thought to himself, ‘surely they are not going to eat the body?’ Just then he felt a tap on his shoulder, and he turned round to see another rogue behind him and felt a hard smack across his chin and he quickly lost conciousness.

To be continued…

Back to the Grindstone

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 13:59:57 GMT

Good weekend if a bit of a quiet one, but found some hilarious clips of Mock the Week on youtube. Here's the best of series 4 for your delictation.

The Best of Mock the Week part one
Parts 2 and 3 are also available from the links on the right of the page on the link above.

Went to see Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and I quite enjoyed it. Had a lot of things wrong with it, but the character interaction was spot on. Nice to have Captain Barbossa as a good guy this time despite his sparring with Jack over the Black Pearl. Though it was lacking some of the finer set pieces from the first two films there was a good battle at the end. Keith Richards cameo was very good as well. Would have liked for Jack Davenport to have a bigger role considering his importance to the plot in the second one, but you can't have everything.

Would liked to have gone out for a drink but plans fell by the wayside of apathy. Must try harder next time. ;o) Enjoyed getting up early on Sunday though, and with the Sun out it was a really nice day.

The London Olympics 2012 logo has been unveiled. Lets just say thank goodness geometry and marketting are not sports or else we'd suck at them too.
*wince*

After being tempted with Download I have to give it a miss this time but I hope the weather is nice for everyone else. Rock on!

A little game for you if you're bored. Take two bands that are similar and swap one of the words in each band around.

Example:

Bullet for a Friend - Funeral for my Valentine
or
Queens of Leon - Kings of the Stone Age

Try it out and see what you get.

Fri, 01 Jun 2007 09:20:42 GMT

A lot of upheaval for me again. Got to go for an assessment to see whether I'm qualified for a job they were quite happy to have me do for the past three years, including a major implementation of our Allocations system, for less pay than they'll be offering after the assessment - should I get the job of course.

Basically there are 8 people going for 7 jobs, its a little bit more complex than that but thats about the size of it. Last year the ICT Manager was the only one to go for his own job and they told him he wasn't qualified, so although my chances are fair to good on paper, its never clear cut where politics is concerned.

Big Brother has started and although, I'm usually quite happy to wax lyrical on the subject, I can't help feeling that this year so far we're been fed two camps from day one. The Plastics and the Freaks. This is no different from last year, but a bit more obvious. Remember the first year, when it wasn't obvious - damn that was a good year. Emma Cox writes a BB column in The Sun and she's rating the contestants. One of the twins she refers to as 'The Chunkier One' now how bad is that? Shame on you, Emma. Emma you are bigger than the pair of them, what does that make you?

Getting in really well with the guild I'm in at the moment, got promoted to Officer, meaning I get to have input on guild decisions and what not. Yesterday we went to a couple of instances with a Paladin who was damn good, he was twinked (got lots of rare equipment) was full protection spec and he was very good in the instances at both Tanking and doling out damage. However... He was so good he was a cocky little shit. He was intentionally getting up other peoples noses. I took an instant dislike to him, and we asked him to tone down the ego, but he just left instead. I feel partly responsible, but he was a twat.

Should be a good weekend by recent weather reports, anyone got any nice plans?

Mon, 28 May 2007 01:18:55 GMT

Dealt a bad hand recently but hey, I guess sometimes thats normal. I can still ride fast and fucking shoot like a demon. As much as the priestly life works some of the time, I can't help being a rogue at times too.

By the way, I did shoot first, but it was for the greater good.

;o)

Good times and Car Trouble

Mon, 21 May 2007 10:51:04 GMT

Friday evening on the way home I broke down at a Junction, not blocking the road, but off to one side, and I called the RAC. They were brilliant, arrived in minutes, found the problem, the linkage on the gearbox had 'popped out' and he popped it back in again. Really easy, sorted it out, he followed me home to make sure I didn't have the same problem getting home. Really top quality service.

I didn't use it much on Saturday, as I went down the Flapper on the bus as I was in 'drinking stance'. The gig was better than I expected and I really enjoyed myself. Angel was excellent, and still hit the notes despite technical difficulties. I was really proud. It was nice to see so many people out. I really can't list who was there, but it was a generally good vibe. Later, Troop and I had a wrestle outside as we were both very drunk indeed. We headed onto Xposure for some more drinking and dancing where everyone grabbed the pole and had a turn on it.

Sunday was therefore quite quiet. Went to see 28 weeks later. Again, the scariest aspects of the film were not the infected. But the reactions of the panic stricken human beings. I enjoyed it. Maybe not as much as the first but definitely a clever story, and the opening scene sent my pulse racing, even though the camera work was a little bit too 'shaky'.

Later we went over to see Troop and watched Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and had a chinese.

The Transformers exclusive trailer looks awesome, and I mean awesome. This film has to be seen on the big screen, thanks for finding that Shaun. 'Autobots...transform!'

This morning, the same part failed again, so I've dropped it into the garage so they can get a new part and fit it. Damn.

Flapper Tomorrow Evening

Fri, 18 May 2007 15:27:05 GMT

Come to the Flapper for drinks and merriment, and also come and see Mivvi play live downstairs later, with a guest appearance from Angel and her vocal stylings.

Later, consider moving on to Somewhere for dancing and more drinks.

Should be getting to the Flapper about 7pm to get a spot.

Annoyance

Wed, 16 May 2007 11:08:12 GMT

So I get home from work last night, and there's a paramedic's car outside the house. I get inside and my Dad is coughing and spitting into the sink and being asked questions by the paramedic, who's a jolly little fat fellow shorter than my Dad.

Turns out he was having his dinner as usual and he got a piece of meat stuck in his throat that was causing him quite a bit of discomfort. He couldn't swallow and the paramedic asked him if he wanted to go to the Hospital, and trying to be funny said "you can come in my car as long as you don't dribble on the seats." Oh har fucking har.

We get to the hospital in the torrential rain following up after in my Mum's car and then proceed to be processed by 'the system'. We spend a good 45 minutes waiting to be examined by the Triage nurse. In the meantime you having nothing to do but watch whats going on around you. In the next cubicle is a drunken irishman on suicide watch and under guard by three police officers. Finally he's seen and they get a nurse to administer a dose of some muscle relaxant to see if his gullet will loosen and the piece of meat will drop out. He's then sent to X-Ray and told to go back to A&E. He's in so much pain he can't swallow. The doctor finally came 2 hours now, and peered down his throat and slapped his back. Nothing.

Another nurse brings a wheelchair over and we're asked to take him to an assessment ward and wait for the specialist. Three and half hours later after shift change, a doctor comes. Looks about 25 - so maybe not the specialist then. She talks to us and tells us that he's got to stay in overnight, and in the morning if its not improved, they'll have to give him a general anaesthetic and remove the piece of meat surgically.

The bad news, he'd have to sleep on a gurney in the assessment ward as there were no free beds, but that if we were lucky one would become free. Firstly he's 69 ffs! Erm... secondly, how do beds become free in the middle of the night, unless somebody dies? How is that lucky!!?

So my Mum takes me home and grabs some things for my Dad and goes back up to the Hospital.

Mum comes home about 12:20 and says he's in a bad way. He's been drugged up and is covered in saliva. Didn't know whether he was coming or going. She didn't want to leave him there to be honest. So we were both worried obviously.

First thing this morning and on Breakfast tv is some politician saying that we 'actually have a very good national health service'. Spoken like someone who's with BUPA. It was very good compared to a triage tent during the D-Day landings.

A happy ending...

This morning my Mum went up to see him and he's fine. He was smiling. The piece of meat went down in the night and he was back to normal. He's gone home now as well and everything is okay.

Kudos if you read that. I know a lot of people won't be arsed to.